The past 3 weeks have had its highs and lows. This year was the best holiday season I ever had with family and friends. I believe its because I now truly know what a gift it is to be able to get up every day and spend time with those you love.
On the other hand this recent round of Chemo kicked my ass! I've been having treatment now since Sept and the longer it continues the less normal I feel. My life has completely changed in so many ways. Dealing with one major change is difficult but a whole slew of them is starting to drive me crazy at times. No longer can I eat the hot spicey foods I love. Food in general isn't that exciting to me anymore and it kills me inside because I LOVE FOOD!!! :'( It doesn't taste the same and once it hits my stomach my tummy suddenly fills up with gas and I feel gross. Unless i stay on top of the immodium the food will have a quick exit. Sensitivity to cold is extremely annoying. Before washing my hands I have to wait for the water to heat up otherwise it feels like someone is hammering needles into your fingers, I cant drink anything cold, if I do it feels like glass shards going down my throat. The chemo itself feels like it sucks the life right out of you. I find myself constantly battling a weak and nauseous feeling. You want to feel NORMAL. By the time you start feeling normal its time to go back in for another round of treatment. I still have a long way to go and no way will I ever quit. My competitive spirit won't let me, however I have begun to understand why some patients get to the point of saying enough is enough.
At times I want to scream out loud other times I want to cry. Yes, I have done both. I Hate having to put my wife through this. Thank God for the unconditional love she gives me everyday! Its not easy for her or me. There are times when i'm feeling like crap and I find myself snapping at her, which hurts both of us. I love my wife with all of my heart and am so thankful I have her and the last thing I want is to upset her because I feel like crap. There is no way I could get through this without her, my family, friends, Doctors and all those out there praying for me. THANK YOU!
Good news. Today I feel Great! Its Blue Friday and tomorrow night this 12th man will be at the game cheering the Hawks to Victory. GO HAWKS!!!
